A Punishment for Undeserving Losers

Friday, May 1, 2009

Hey everyone! You may remember me... Or you may not... nevertheless, I have decided that each and everyone of you are jobless buffoons who don't like to spend five minutes writing a little something-something (pronounced 'sumn-sumn') that you can post for your dear class-mates to read. I mean, this is the most pathetic looking blog EVER (apart from my own blog, of course).

Nehoo, I have a little bit of time on my hands, and I've decided that you guys deserve to know something - that Bon Jovi are one of the greatest bands in the world. Now, I'm not just some dumb school girl with a crush (that's what I was when I was in 11th grade). My love for the band has matured into something... more. Haha. Nah, the point is that they're a really good band, so I've decided to make a list of '7 Reasons Why You Should Like Bon Jovi' (in no particular order)...

1. Early-Years Footage - Their videos pre 1995 switched from BnW concert footage to colour band footage, in a style so distinct and adorable as we saw the crowds go wild coz of their pure awesomeness.

2. The Change of Hairstyles - We saw Jon with wild, untame-able blondish brown hair way back in the 80's, which changed to a sleek, shorter cut falling past his ears in the 90's, which changed to a short crop for those years when he entered the film world, which changed to a slightly longer (but still short) style with the advent of Crush, which has now changed back to a shorter, darker style which just looks so hot.

3. The Voice of Jon Bon Jovi - Here we have a man with such a divine voice. If you hear their very first hit single, "Runaway", you'll think that the voice at the end is a female's - he can hit THAT high a note. Well, could hit that high a note. His voice pre-Crush was one that could reach high notes and deliver them with perfection and raw power and emotion. He varied out when he went solo, of course (check out the difference between 'Queen of New Orleans' and 'Janie Don't You Take Your Love To Town', both from the album Destination Anywhere) but with the extensive touring that the band did in the 80's and 90's, poor Jon unfortunately strained his voice far too much. He hasn't been able to hit those high notes since, and his voice hasn't been able to deliver that same magic.

4. The God-liness of Richie Sambora - Now here we have one of the greatest guitarists ever. Richie has a style of his own. Since I'm not an expert with guitars (I don't want to make a fool of myself), I'll just say that he's unique and a fine, fine man, with some gorgeous guitars, kick-ass solos, and really, really nice hats. Examples of some of his best solos/guitar work - 'Dry County', 'My Guitar Lies Bleeding In My Arms', 'Livin' On a Prayer' (acoustic), 'Wanted Dead or Alive' (original and acoustic).

5. The Gorgeousness of Jon - Ok, so this may not be a valid reason to like a band, but come on! Girls and guys alike HAVE to agree that Jon is probably one of the most beautiful people ever. He's charming (oh, that smile!), he's handsome (what gorgeous hair), he's appealing (those piercing blue eyes), he's NICE (the dude married his high school sweetheart) AND did I mention that he's dreamy?

6. Purity of Lyrics - This is probably the number one reason why I love Bon Jovi. They're lyrics are pure gold. With a songwriting team of Jon himself, Richie Sambora, and lyricist Desmond Child, you just can't go wrong. Jon's songs tend to be romantic and full of pain ('Always', 'Bed of Roses') and just oh so wonderful. Jon and Richie together have made some crazily wonderful songs ('Wanted Dead or Alive', 'Thank You For Loving Me'). Put the three of them together... and you get 'Livin' on a Prayer', and 'Keep the Faith', both fantastic songs that are full of inspiration and send a wonderful message. More than the music, it's the lyrics show the passion that we all love so much from the band, a passion so strong that not many bands have or can imitate. The lyrics will make your heart swell up with this passion, this love that Jon so very thrillingly delivers, which will end up making you feel like you need to start living your life! There's clearly so much of this emotion in the world, that is delivered by their lyrics, and we've not felt even half of it in our miserable lives! Let's start LIVING, people!

7. Role Models - You got it! All the members of the band are wonderful people. First of course, we have the wonderful Jon, who donates millions to charity and owns his own football team (like I care about American football... but it doesn't matter coz he evidently does :P). He's got a lovely wife (damn) with four sweet kids (have I mentioned that I want four... er... three kids?) and he has worked on behalf of the Special Olympics. Need I say more? Richie on the other hand... well let's just say he's more of a rock star than Jon. Thank god he split up with Heather Locklear and Denise Richards though - hate them both. :P Keyboardist David Bryan, has co-written a musical called Memphis (which is just awesome, I can tell). PLUS he has a Joker tattoo on his chest. EX-bassist Alec John Such... well... he was just cool on stage, man. He had this adorable little pout and this awesome stage pose... and he played mean base. Plus he owns a motorcycle shop. Now, drummer Tico Torres... just hear a song called 'Only In My Dreams'. He's got this gruff awesome voice. And he's a painter and goes by the name 'The Hitman'. He's fun, old, and cool. And he makes awesome comments. OH and he owns a fashion line for BABIES called Rock Star Babies. 'Nuff said.

Now, I can come up with a hundred more reasons, but 7 is my favourite number, so I'm just going to stop there... plus it's long enough as it is! I'm not sure how many of you guys are going to read this. Nehoo, hope you enjoy! :)