A 'Weighty' Issue

Friday, March 14, 2008

Yes, I admit I was obsessed about my weight. Obsessed to the extent that I would crib and whine about it for half a day and spend the latter half eating a truckload of junk to make myself feel better(you know the"theory of feel good food".....)
It started when my roommate in school started getting worried about her weight and soon turned into a weight reducing fanatic.....she had wash board flat abs, and I wanted one too. I however missed out the crucial factor-----EXERCISE! So, I grew fatter and she grew thinner.
It was not going the way I wanted....DEFINITELY NOT!
To console myself, I ate. Not carrots. Not celery. I ate chips and chocolates, etc---everything that would soon guarantee a necessity for me to book two airline tickets..........for myself. I tried to look at the bright side... Maybe I could be the first human blimp!
I then noticed one morning that the lady a.k.a Ms. Skinny, did exercises............. starting with 150 sit up in the morning! No wonder she was happy starving.....her body tricked her into happiness with all the endorphins that she produced during every sit up she did.......and I was wheezing everytime I climbed a flight of stairs.........And so I was Miserable!!
Sure there were other ways.....though, there was one that had caught my fancy. It would be easy, eat as much as you want and gracefully excuse yourself from the table and go to the loo and throw up!! Sound simple??...................so you think. First of all, at the glacial pace that I walked, by the time I could or would reach the loo, half of my food would be on its path to digestion and Nirvana.
Secondly or rather Most impotantly, when I tried to throw up, IT WOULD`NT HAPPEN!! Even after shoving half the toothbrush down my throat, I STILL would`nt get sick......I would`nt throw up, I would`nt throw down.....I would`nt THROW AT ALL!!!! So now I hold the official title of ' The Bulimic Aspirant' of the century.
Yes, it was true, the forces of nature were conspiring against me and what should I do?? Nothing, but to resign myself to nature and decided I must follow The Two Extra Commandments that God had put down specially for me :-
(ahem.....drum roll.......)
a) Thou shalt pray to the Skinny Gods(Kate Moss and the Victoria`s Secret models) everyday
b) And also to the other "Blessed" Gods(Pamela Anderson and Anna Nicole Smith) for the rest of thy life.
In the name of the Bootylicious Beyonce
Amen.