Scarred for life!!!!

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Facebook is fun.Facebook is great. But it can also bring back some bad memories. Some very bad memories that you wish to leave behind.How?Photo albums.Everyone puts up pics of their childhood. Do they realize the mental trauma that I go through everytime I look at such pics???I don't think so.Let me give you three instances.
Recently a friend put up a pic of her taking part in a fancy dress competition. She went as a teapot. This struck up a conversation. My friends started talking about how they had gone as a post box or shakuntala or a clown or Michael Jackson. I told them that I had once gone as a bangle seller. It was a lie. The memories still grieve my heart. While everyone's parents were busy searching for police uniforms and spiderman suits, my dad was tearing out his old dhoti, preparing to send me as a beggar!!!! When my mom saw me, she fainted.I don't blame her. I did look the part.Her daughter had been transformed into a beggar with orange rind in her mouth(as bad teeth) and an old dish in her hand.Even today my mom glares at my dad everytime we look at the pic of me standing on that stage-a perfect image of poverty. I look back and think to myself- 'If only I had called out 'ammmaaaaa' a bit more louder on stage, I might have actually come first'.
Another instance was when my I saw pictures of my friend's eleventh birthday party. Mine was a tragedy. I can still remember myself coming down the stairs wearing a short denim skirt and a cute white t-shirt. Everyone said that I looked adorable. I meekly said 'Thank you'. After fifteen minutes there were no more 'awww..you look so cute' or 'who is this cute lil kid?'. Why?? Because my grandmother had safely pinned a strand of flowers right across my head.Anyone who saw me would have seen a striking resemblence between me and a baffoon. I had the London Bridge of jasmine flowers on my head. Was I pleased?? I don't think so. My mom would have loved to rip the flowers off and make me look like a sane child again but her mother-in-law would never leave my side. I looked like a retard the whole evening. My birthday was officially a tragedy. Everytime I look at the pictures, I cry my lungs out.My sister finds it very amusing until of course we turn to the pictures of her with her dalmation glasses('Now who looks like a moron?' I would say).And thus the second traumatic event has been related.
Everyone has a picture of them with their teddy bear. I never had a teddy bear.I did not wish to make you cry but I know that my past will without fail make you shed tears..sniff...sniff.(it's ok ...I'm alright). I never had a teddy bear until last year when my friends bought me one for my birthday. While everyone had pictures of them hugging a teddy bear or kissing a teddy bear or sleeping with a teddy bear, I had three teddy bear erasers. My dad's friend gave them to me when I was three. I was thrilled. While in the car about to leave their house my dad asked me if I had thanked them for the erasers. I realized that I had not. I rolled down the window and yelled out.....(pls note I was four at this point of time...four...a very young age..my vocabulary was limited)....'THANK YOU FOR THE UNDERBEAR!!'. I am surprised my parents didn't abandon me on the way home. My parents tell me that they have never been more embarassed. I disagree with them. With me as their daughter I'm sure they''ll have many more to compete with that. The host laughed out loud and I wondered if I was supposed to say 'your welcome' instead. I am not surprised my parents never got me a teddy bear.
And thus I have revealed my scarred childhood to one and all. I am sure that all of you are reaching out for tissues right now. So now I have a humble request to all those on facebook-'Please do not put your childhood pictures on Facebook.One more picture and I shall appeal to the high court to ban fancy dress competitions, prohibit all grandmothers from making important decision regarding clothes and also stop the productions of teddy bears ALL OVER THE WORLD!!!'..phew! I'm done.

PS: All exaggerations are completely intentional.